Zombies make good pets!

Since the dawn of domesticated animal companions, people have argued which pet reigns superior. I've never liked these arguments much, as they are uninspiring and subjective. They offer nothing that I haven't heard a biljillion times. Today I'll explain how Zombies are superior to dogs AND cats.

DOGS

Dogs defend people: A well placed zombie in the front yard will both defend your house and deter criminals (You may want to put zombie on a shorter chain come Halloween to prevent outbreaks and lawsuits). BONUS! A nifty gnome costume, or antlers on your zombie and it could pass as lawn art.

Dogs save people: Zombies float. Thus they make good floatation devices for saving children from the middle of a surging stream. They'll even cling on to your child if they're unconsious.

Jesus had a dog: Jesus rose from the dead AS A ZOMBIE! Historically, he was the first zombie. What better form of flattery is there?

Dogs are "Man's Best Friend": A zombie could have, at one time, been your best friend.

Dogs can be taught tricks: Will your dog "heel" while on fire? I think not.

Dogs are good with children: Zombies absolutely love children. Children run slowly.

CATS

Cats have their own personalities: Have you not seen thriller? Those zombies got attitude!

Cats are clean: Zombies can clean up after themselves. Just tie your favorite vacuum or mop to their rears and watch as they mop up those nasty blood stains.

Cats are independent: You can leave your zombie in a closet (under the stairs) and it'll be waiting right there for you when you get back.

Cats can entertain themselves: Zombies don't need to be entertained, ever.

Cats can be litter trained: Zombies don't poop, do they?

Arguments against zombies

Zombies smell: - Lie
Zombies will eat you: - Another lie
Zombies make bad pets: - Obviously a government conspiracy propagated to promote dogs and/or cats.

Tell me why zombies make bad pets and I'll tell you why you're wrong.